Well fuck. Shit hit the fan again, and I mean it fucking hit it. Today was a fucking good day and then my mom decided to fucking break some balls because shit still ain't to her "high and mighty" ass. My dad is leaving. My home ist lost. SNAFU just went to FUBAR. I can't even think straight for this right now. I'm half asleep, the family is practically gone. For fuck's sake, why in hell's name couldn't they go to a fuckin' counselor, counselar(however the fuck you spell it) and work things out. Trying to work things out between themselves isn't help, nor has it ever helped before AT ALL! And family isn't a counelor. Fuck... I would say stuff, but I don't. And don't you go fucking judgin' me as a coward. I thought out the my actions and the situation wouldn't really change. Or maybe I'd get messed up even more (mentally, psycologically, or even physically). And right now, shit like that isn't really favourable. I'm trying to get through school and that's already causing enough stress and problems for a student/teenager right now. I don't need my family going "ashes to ashes, dust to dust' on my ass right now. If you're just tuning in, go read rant number one and come back, that'll bring you up to speed. And I fucking know that every teenager is going through some shit, especially right now during these economic hardships of today; fucking A would you just let me rant?! I don't speak to any body else about this kinda shit. None of my friends can say anything that'll help or cheer me up. I don't trust any one right now. Family is bias, especially the parents. Friends are partial. And you, stranges(s) are just some one who's reading a journal, whether it be had or sad; whether you are laughin at it, pitying the journalist, or just reading a tid bit from some else's life. I don't care. I just want to say something, and the only good ears who will take the time to listen, are the eyes of the stranger who reads this (you). I'm emotionally numb and cut off right now, I'm even mentally numb to everything that's going on. I don't have any more defenses to keep back all the shit that's going on in the world right now, and still keep functioning correctly. I don't have enough fucking will power to do any thing anymore but barely get by in life right now. Fuck school, fuck the PSAT and SAT, fuck college. Fuck life right now. I don't have any more patience. I can barely keep shit straight now...

If you haven't already read this...

There's a comment on the first rant from FallenKitten21 and I would like to share it with you:

Mother mother,
Why do we scream
Of our broken hearts
Or torn away dreams

Is there something I should have said
Something in a book, once read
Should I tell you what it is you seek
That it lies beneath the deep
Darkest part of selfish hearts
Where your mind dose creep

Father, father
Ease your mind
Leave the selfish far behind
When you do, take me with you
Don't forget, don't leave me behind too

Sister, brother
Let us still learn to love
Holding on to gods above
Let the suffering erase the pain
Drowning sorrow in the pouring rain

Though my voice cracks while I speak
Sometimes my words are true and deep
So before I cry to myself alone
Trying to sew the rift in our home
Before my screams are my only company
Please, please remember me.

I would like to specially thank her for these words, of which gave me hope and eased my pains a little because of her understanding. Although right now most of the hope is gone, I continue to read these words, hoping that there's light out there in this dark world.